Female Orgasm Guide

The path to sexual pleasure has mirrored women’s path toward freedom, too. Even during medieval times, when women’s orgasm was believed to be necessary for reproduction, it didn’t signal a mass of men learning about the female body’s inner workings. What it did signal was a path to ensure men weren’t convicted of rape if a woman got pregnant (because everyone would assume she orgasmed and, thus, enjoyed the experience). Talk about an all-time low for women’s rights.

It’s hard not to speculate about the articles that would be written about why men orgasm if ejaculation wasn’t an integral part of reproduction. Yet, though this is treated as the answer to why men experience orgasm, it would be interesting to see what percentage of orgasms are indeed contributing to reproduction. But, the scientists are unflagging in their coverage of why women experience orgasm—they have that frontier very well covered.

So, let’s spend some time talking about the exciting part of all of this: the how. How do women orgasm? What are some tactics to try if your partner experiences difficulty orgasming? These are questions a lot of people have, and I’m happy to be able to provide the answers. Luckily, the days of wondering “if” women have orgasms are over, but misinformation is still alive and well due to the extreme lack of factual, accessible sex education in our generation.

Not that long ago, oral sex was widely deemed a part of foreplay or a quick pit stop on the way to PenetrationTown. But for many women, oral sex is better than penetration. Oral sex isn’t a warm-up; it’s the finish line. Misinformation about how women experience sex led to the belief that women need a lot of foreplay, which, while true, is misleading. It’s not that women like a lot of foreplay before they can fully enjoy sex; for many women—the majority even—foreplay is the only part where they hover around orgasm.

So, the first step in being a better lover for the people with vulvas in your life is understanding that if you rush through foreplay and oral sex, you’re automatically disqualifying a lot of them from any shot at orgasm. Go slow, and perhaps treat penetration as an afterthought for a change.

One of the best things you can do if you have a partner who has trouble reaching orgasms is to stay calm, not get frustrated, and keep trying. Clear communication without placing blame is key. But beyond that, be sure to experiment. For all humans, sexual desire and arousal is a mental game primarily. So, be open to new techniques for turn-on, and don’t let yourself stay in a routine for too long.

Beyond keeping an open mind, you’re going to want to do your own research. But don’t worry; this is the most kind of fun research. If your partner has trouble reaching orgasm, you could ask to watch them touch themself. Seeing how they masturbate can be the perfect sneak peek into the kinds of touch that work well. Do they like slow, soft touches? Do they build speed? Do they avoid direct stimulation of the clitoris altogether? Every woman is built differently, and so you’ll need to learn about their turn-ons and best paths of stimulation each time you have a new sexual partner.

Another idea is to try toys. Find out if a dildo can bring her pleasure or if she prefers purely clitoral stimulation with a vibrator. Why not try a butt plug? Trial and error in the bedroom is fun, and not everyone will be into everything. So, if you hit a dead-end, dust yourself off and try something else. Plus, once you find a sex toy that routinely works, you’ll know which type of stimulation is the most reliable path to orgasm.

Next, try different methods of oral sex, and experiment with combining fingering with oral sex. You can play a “hotter, colder,” style game in order to find the most pleasurable rhythms, pressures, and areas on her body. Experimenting with a partner will be fun as long as you are both patient and calm. Try to keep the stakes low to avoid undue mental pressure on yourself; a sense of humor can come in handy, too.